Genetics and the Race for Asexualism

I have relatives.  Most of us do except maybe Tom who, it is my belief, considers Myspacers to be his family.  If that's true Tom then you wouldn't mind lending me $50.  But you do mind, Tom, so you can't borrow the Trans Am this weekend.

My actual relatives don't want to borrow money from me, but they do enjoy filling my inbox with meaningless back-and-forth communication that absolutely never has anything to do with me.  It's my fault really, I shouldn't have put my name on the family's group email address.  D'oh.

One particularily pointless email that touched absurdley on the subject of "Time" became an exaggerated topic of discussion.  It took a perilous turn into obsurdity when it was noted that in the future there would be no such thing as minutes.  The tension became too much for me.  I went against my better judgement and responded with this:

"There won't be minutes because we'll have done away with them along with pennies, nickels, dimes, the three dollar bill (in honor of President Ziltnok elected to office in a massive landslide vote of 64,226,859,209 to 2 in the year of our Lord 2216 A.D.) and of course the useless 'Y' chromosome (the removal of which proved to end world hunger, poverty, crime and racial and sexual discrimination.  Occurences of driving accidents will soar to all time highs).

 

"Oddly enough seconds will still exist.  As a result the sweaty-palmed anticipation of summer vacation by billions of young ones will from thence begin at 3:00-and-3450-seconds p.m. on the last day of school instead of 3:59."

My first mistake was replying.  My second mistake was creating an arguable point out of a lame and ficticious scenario.  One particularily uppety relative of mine took to my response like women take to diet pills.  Here was her response:

"You seem to be implying that women cause more traffic accidents than
men.  However, your statement does not accord with the facts as presently
known, and I quote (from a variety of studies):

'"In terms of the classic alcohol-impaired traffic accident, the Male Single
Vehicle factor comes closest: single vehicle, darkness, no seat belt, and
the male driver having a previous history of impaired driving charges."

'"According to CSP statistics, male drivers caused more accidents than
female drivers over the last year, in every age category."

'"In 2004, males were 1.4 times more likely than females to be involved in
any collision and were 3.2 times as likely as females to be involved in a
fatal collision."

'"Globally, almost three times (2.7) as many males as compared to females
die from road traffic injuries, accounting for the largest sex
differentials in mortality rates from unintentional injury."

'"Females do not have more injury road accidents on Friday the 13th."  [I
love that statistic.  I want to know who said they did.]

"Etc.

"In fact, the only case I could find where women outnumbered men as being
involved in traffic accidents was in the category of older senior citizens
who were riding (not driving) in a car involved in an accident.

"According to present gender-related driving accident patterns, with a drop
in the male population in the future (except, as I say, if they begin
cloning), the incidence of driving accidents should also drop -- unless
what you're describing is a simple correlation between population and
accidents:  more people, more accidents.  With no hunger, poverty, or crime
(you don't mention war), the population could very well experience an
unprecedented increase.  But you don't give enough details to make this
determination.

"Or were you just trying to be funny?"

Witness how having an itchy trigger-finger can bring upon one's self a world of frustration?  I imagine this relative is the type of person who doesn't sleep well at night because she worries over the implications of idiots running nations.  This irritates me.  Here was my response to her response:

"With the removal of the 'Y' chromosome is it not enough that world hunger will be eliminated but also women's horrible driving records as well?  Wouldn't women's driving records be the only records available?  With men gone your statistics sited would become irrelevant misnomers of a time long past.  I can imagine the dialogue now...

 

'"Suzie, do you remember how awfully those smelly, war-mongering, alcoholic males used to drive?  It's a marvel vehicular manslaughter didn't drive us to extinction!"

 

'"True Allison.  It's conversations like these that make me wholly realize how tolerable the commercial wholesale of individual freedoms was compared to the casually acknowledged and often misguided stereotype that women were less capable drivers then men!  By the way Allison, puns aren't funny."

 

"Then the two Thelma-and-Louise themselves over a cliff to prove some kind of poetically self-justifiable point.

 

"All of this is a moot point anyway.  The 'entire population in general' will continue to thrive as asexual beings.  The population will continue to procreate with the development of a joyless and overly complicated system where young can be selected and then downloaded from the internet like so many MP3's.

 

"Of course your statistics didn't really prove anything to me I didn't already know what with the gender-biased premium I find myself paying annually for auto insurance.  If anything, that you brought them to my attention at all could be evidence of feminist backlash to a common, if not amusing and harmless, stereotype males tend to assign female drivers.

 

"Or were you just trying to be funny?"

Yes.  I know.  A rebutle worthy of blog entry.  What better honor can some hardly worth remembering experience be bestowed with?  Still, her response was satisfying:

"Yes."

I found it interesting that when creating a blog, under "Category" there is no category for Family, which is what this blog is about so instead I chose "Pets and Animals" since I suppose it's the catergory that could be most closely attributed to the subject of one's family.

And this being my first blog.  Please.  Give me some love.